We fell in love again in October

Though I never stopped loving you, I am feeling blessed that I’ve been given a second chance at falling in love with you all over again.

We waited 547 days and I finally had the chance to kiss those sweet lips of yours.

October 2018.

Our first night together, do you remember? You were so upset you couldn’t greet me at the airport but that didn’t matter because it all went away the moments we first saw each other, the way you looked, the way you embraced me, the way you smelled, the way you had to pinch yourself because we couldn’t believe that I was really there. I wanted to kiss you so bad, in that moment but I was so nervous. did I ever tell you that?

My red tired eyes and exhausted body from my 30 hour flight was nothing of sort to scare you away and when you took your hands and brushed my face teary eyed; you were the most handsome man I’ve ever come across and I wanted to live that moment over and over again. Our lips finally meeting after so long apart and suddenly the world stopped and everything felt right. I was home. For you are my home and all my problems, worries, fears and frustration melted away because of you my darling. beautiful, wonderful you.

One month together and the days went by, slowly at first. But, soon the days slipped into weeks and before we knew it, it was time to say goodbye a second time around and now I couldn’t ever stand to let you down again. I love your daughter just as much as I love you and it will only grow stronger for she deserves this too. What we’ve longed for all these years. A family, you, me and Vivie and Aaron and I can only dream I get to give her that life I so desperately can’t wait to experience with you.

I wish for you to be the one that I get to hold onto eternally in my arms, I wish to be your best friend, your protector and women you can trust with all your heart, I wish to make you happy every step of the way, or at least try. I want to experience life with you, to  hold your hand in marriage and to grow old with you through whatever life throws at us. Most of all, I love when you look at me. You see me, who I am to myself and not the world. You look into my soul with all your passion you have, you know exactly who I am, my fears, my worries, my fails and you never doubt me. You treat me like a woman and you make me feel whole and safe. I want the good and the bad, I promise. I want to wake you up with coffee each morning even if you are horrible to wake up, I want to hold you in my arms if you’ve had too much to drink and convince you I still love you and no I don’t hate you because you’ve been drinking, I want to be the woman you call at 0400 in the morning just to tell me you love me even if you forget about the time differences. I want to make your heart skip a beat each time we talk and even if we don’t talk to just enjoy what we’ve built and what we will continue to build each and every day. I want you through the distance even if it’s hard because I need you beside me, walking hand in hand to where we are meant to be.

And, no, I don’t expect this to be easy there are going to be times where we can’t stand each other and there will be jealously, frustration or miscommunication and we may argue over petty things. But, we didn’t meet for no reason and we didn’t come back together again just to break up all over again, I prayed for this. I longed for this and through tears and what may be thrown at us. I am not going to walk away from this.

I miss you every day, but it’s okay because there’s nothing better in the world I could think of and when I think of you, I dream of our future and each day that goes by is a day closer to that. Happiness and pure bliss.

So, you see you’re the one for me, the only one that ever will be.

And I love you, so much.

.

Surprise!

I know what you’re thinking when you read this and that’s perfectly okay.

But there was always this little bit of me that was never going to walk away – despite the circumstances, I tried… for the most. And then there was always this big part of  me saying follow your heart. By now you should know that when I say I’m going to do something I will. I’m kind of impulsive, you know.  For each of you who have played your role in my life – I thank you for standing by me, for your positivity and compassion, from the beginning through to today.

So here I am; 20 something Sophie on my next leg of love… again. Only now I am traveling across the world to him.

For you, you may know it’s been 1 year and 6 months since I last saw him. For me, too long. For you, you won’t get why this is important to me and I certainly don’t expect you to try.

There are so many emotions I am going through right now – I’m blessed I have been given this second chance at seeing you. I’m not sure what will happen next. But there is no fear when faith exists.

Right now, and for the last couple of months; and for the first time in a long time I am letting go of my worries. I am moving forward. I’m not going to look back and continue wondering ‘what if’ or try and change something that has already happened. For me, if two hearts can’t forget each other after this long they were never meant to part in the first place. Well guess what. I am taking that leap of faith. Taking control of my life and moving forward with what I’ve prayed each day, hopefully – you by my side and after everything – I still love you as if it was only yesterday we said our goodbyes.

One way or another only time will tell, and I will cherish the new memories made from this day forward.

See you soon A.

Lingering souls in love

His lips are like sweet berries, and his cologne is as strong as midnight sex. His eyes are big and daring. I’m looking straight into his soul.
His body is firm. Olive skin, and perfectly fit. His hair is a deep brown; perfectly cut shaping his face. I let my hands sweep through his hair, slowly tracing the side of his cheeks. This man, is perfect I think to myself weary-eyed, so emotionally beautiful and nothing could ruin this moment, our moment. I take an instant photo, and the flash blinds my eye site. Smile I say, poking his ribs; he hates pictures.
His touch is soft and gentle, but yet strong and seductive. He is a man. My man. His breath is like a steaming hot bath as it brushes the side of my neck. Goosebumps cover my body. Snap again- he squirms for me to stop taking photos of him. I shake it for the print to show up. Perfect, I’m never getting rid of it. He smiles- grabs me and kisses me passionately. Sophie, stop taking photos of me. Again. I giggle, smile and trace our fingers together. I feel warm, yet it’s freezing in the room. He stops and looks me straight in the eye – a moment so heavenly than followed with uncontrollable laughter. I can’t help myself. I kiss him again, and then we lay there, our limb bodies nestled in one another; in sweet, blissful tranquility.

Darling

Only me.

One more try.

I’m wondering if you ever think of me?

It terrifies me knowing I still love you this much. I feel so vanruable.

I’m on a train in Melbourne on my way to University, first day.

I can hear people sniffling, it’s cold here. The door opening and closing as people leave and enter, all these people have a story just like you and I. I’m so god damn tired it’s 8:30am and I had a mere 5 hours sleep. The lady across from me has her eyes closed, I wonder that if like me she is also tired. I can smell aftershave and too strong scents of perfume. It makes me feel sick.

 

Too late to turn back now.

I haven’t contacted you for a couple months. I haven’t felt the need too. Does that mean I’m moving on? If that’s true why does everything seem so difficult.

I’m scared of love now. But still needing something to set me free. Are you free A? Are you going after what you want and would you be mad at me for going after what I want?

 

x

 

 

 

12

I read this article that apparently you only fall in love with Three people in your life time. Three people, well if that’s the case you’re my third and it dawns on me you’re my last, foremost.

I don’t want to find love again.

It’s been a year today, did you know?

I keep trying to rewind time back to when we first met. These memories have consumed me now and I’m forced to re – live each moment every day when I’m constantly reminded of your presence, every song on the radio has become our song. Each song breaks my heart all over again. And I’m made to turn the radio off. I still have your cams, I haven’t washed them and they smell like you, they hide in my closest for days where I really need you. So many tears are left.

I look to god, he has got me through each day. Faith is all I have left until I choke on the last remains of you.

I’m afraid I may never rid my self of this heartbreak.

It never ends.

Happy 12 months and what seems like a life time.

I miss you, still.

You are you

You are a constant reminder that life is too short.

A reminder that I will cherish for years to come

You are you, strong. I admire you for the battle scars and wars you’ve had to go through but your courage that is what makes you, you.

You are enough, never below, never above. A beautiful reminder to a loving soul.

You are reminder that the love we shared was a once in a life time love. Completely absorbing and a life that is not dark.

You, are my love, my soul mate but most of all a constant reminder that’s left to stay.

Where do broken hearts go?

As the sun sets, I’m sitting here, tears soaking my face. Will I ever see you again? It’s bittersweet how I’m feeling, and I wonder if I’ve made the right decision, my heart says no – my head says, you’ve got this Sophie count to Three, and as I begin to count to Three, it happens again, the feeling of heartbreak.

I’m asking myself when will the pain go away, I know though it won’t. Because it’s only just the beginning and as I write this I wonder, where do broken hearts go? Do they heal themselves and then we start over because I feel my heart has not been completely healed.. I’m thinking too much now.

One…

I feel numb.

Breath.

Two…

Calm, silence falls around me.

Three… Anxiety, something I can touch – clothes… there’s clothes on the ground. Something I can smell – a candle on my bench…

Breath

I’m dreaming of a better day, any day but this one please god and I’m struggling to understand all of this.

I’m struggling.

I still ask myself when will this pain go away. It’s only been two months.

Two months.

I’ve been through this before, every feeling. I’ve felt it. Only this time, it’s on me.

It. Doesn’t. Get. easier

I’m choosing to eliminate my feelings, and that’s okay. I have done it for a while now – pushed everyone away, including him The one person I said I wouldn’t push away.

My heart is broken.

 

 

It starts with you

It started with you.

I will never forget how our love started – the moment I met you.

We honestly crossed paths at the right time; it’s what we said from the beginning.

Right now you’re somewhere in the world, and I am here struggling with losing you. I never wanted this to happen between us. It was never my intention to push you away from me.

I loved every part of you, your flaws, your kindness and your ability to love me whole-hardheartedly when I thought no one would.

I will walk this path, without you in my life. And it terrifies me to know you won’t be by my side. I took advantage of you and your love. My ego beclouded my very sense of reasoning. I choose to follow the negativity in my life, and I felt too angry to grasp the depth of pain you felt. You were struggling to make me understand, and I did not see it due to my selfishness.

What I thought was a painful see you soon turned in to goodbye and a loss that will take a lot to mend. I’m sorry for making you have so much doubt, sweetheart. I’m sorry for giving up on us.

I asked a lot of you thus I know where I went wrong – and one day I hope you can forgive me as right now I’m working on forgiving myself.

I may not have all of the answers, but I know one thing to be real. You are my soulmate. You made every inch of my soul happy.

Above all, one day I will see you again.

I’m going to miss you.

It started with you and ended with me.

 

 

Before

I love you because,

You found me, you actually did.

Somehow we were meant to be in the exact same place, at the same time. We were meant to meet that night. I’m forever grateful

We loved each other instantly. Before we had even began something, we made plans I invited you as my date; to meet my friends, we laughed, we knew.

You accept me. You love my flaws and let me be me when I’m with you. 

You show me you, you opened up to me and let me in your life, you let me in to see your fears, your dreams, your mistakes and I fell in love with every story you tell.

Your laugh. I love that I make you laugh, I love how we laugh together.

 Because when we argue it’s never escalates into something horrible, we both know we wouldn’t let it. 

And how you apologise if you’re wrong.

How we could be together all night and as soon as you leave I miss you like crazy.

Time is never enough with you.

I love the way you tell me I’m like no other you’ve experienced before.And I believe you, I believe it all.

I trust you with my life, i trust you with my son.

I know I’m safe with you.

And would protect me with your life.

I love how much you care, about your family and how you call Aaron and i your family.

I love the way you look at me and caress my face. The way your touch makes me nervous and your kiss gives me butterflies. I never want the moment to end. 

I love how we are a team, the power couple as you’ve said; you finish of my sentences and  know exactly what I’m thinking.

We balance each other out with our differences.

I love that when you’re with me, you’re completely absorbed in me.

How you call me out when I try to make you jealous or push boundaries.

How you say you’re fine for me to do something but I know really you aren’t and you don’t want to come across as ” that boyfriend ” as you say but I know you love me so much.

I love how you allow me to put my cold feet and hands on your body because you’re so warm you are my own personal blanket. I love that I keep finding where you’re ticklish and how you try so hard not to laugh.

I love the way we connect when we make love, the way you aren’t selfish and want to please me.

I love imagining our future together, you me, vivie and Aaron and more children.

The possibilities that are endless and nothing seems too difficult.

How when I act a little crazy you never say I’m annoying you.

I love the way you catch me watching you and I look away, put my hair behind my ear and smile like a school girl.

I love how we can be together and not speak but both know that this is right. 

I love that I met my soul mate who lives across the world.

Did I mention, I love you because you love me and I love you.