We want the peace forgiveness offers; we want the release. We want the madness in our brains to settle down yet; we still can’t seem to get there.
I’ve been there, where you are now. I’ve felt every inch of spite, I’ve read every blog about learning to forgive, and I’ve watched countless videos on how to control anger, I’ve thought of every answer to the problem, I know it all, because I couldn’t count just on myself to move on, I needed to endorse every bit of advice, from whoever would give me their time of day.
And it took me years to not only forgive you but to forgive myself.
Forgiveness seems like the ultimate betrayal of yourself, you don’t want to give up the fight and feel a sense of yourself derailing as you hold on to that little bit of anger, you would avoid forgiving just to have that little bit of control that they did you wrong and you in no shape or form need to apologise for their actions.
Forgiveness takes courage, strength and power. The anger burns through you, and the hurt you’ve endured makes the fight a little easier to not give up. You want those to feel what you feel, and you want to inflict the hurt upon them, it seems easy enough. To continue in life holding a grudge a little longer. I know the feeling.
But here’s the thing about anger, it lingers around you. It is an empty emotion. An emotion only visible to those who want to see, the flash of fire in our eyes; A burn in the most profound depth of our souls, Anger shows your ugly side and is a reaction to an underlying problem. Anger feeds on your emotions, and eventually, if you let it, it will destroy you.
Let me share something with you all; forgiveness doesn’t need time; it’s take a choice.
I’ve said it way too many times to count, and you probably have also. “It’s going to take me a while to forgive … “ or “ I will never forgive that person for what they did too me” I realize now, reflecting on who I was, I put so much negative energy into not forgiving someone because they did me wrong. I thought my pain was my power, but my pain was pulling me deeper and deeper into someone who I was not. Well it doesn’t work like that because If you let it, the hurt will control your life!
You have the power to forgive; you have the strength to be in control of your thoughts, emotions and actions.
I forgive you, not because what you did was right or honorable but because I can’t hold on to it any longer, in many ways you may have hurt me, but you’ve set my heart free.
I regret holding on to the hurt, longer then I needed too. I wish that the lessons that I learnt, I could do it all without the pain… Wishful thinking, but in the midst of it all. I learned a lot about myself, who I am, where I want to be. I had experiences that I would never change, laughs that I will never want to un-laugh, smiles that I will never want to un-smile, gifts that I never want to return, and moments that have literally taken my breath away, I learned to love and be loved in return and yes, I got hurt. But the beauty of life is this too shall pass.
So, I pray whoever is reading this that, you choose to forgive; have the courage to be brave enough to forgive those who may have hurt you and forgive those who didn’t mean to hurt you, I hope you forgive knowing that they may never deserve your forgiveness, but do it for you, for you need to rid yourself of the pain and suffering you’re facing, Understand that when you bring peace to yourself, you’re walking away with a little bit more strength than you may have had before, forgive gracefully, for you long for the happiness that it offers.