This is just one last simple letter.
One letter that holds pieces of my pain and my faith.
You have my broken heart, but you have not broken my love I have for myself, for no one can, not even you.
Today I have decided to walk away. From you, from this love and your selfish ways.
I love you, I would do anything for you, and I have shown you I would… Would have, because I no longer will.
You have shown me; you are the man I did not fall in love with, you have shown me people change, you my love, you have changed. Perhaps you have out-grown me, and my love I can give you. I will never know what the answer is because you never communicated to me why you were giving up in the first place. I think it’s time for me to start understanding you are now one of those people that no matter how hard I try, you will always be out of my reach.
Nevertheless, you have shown me you will not put in the same effort as I do to you.
You have shown me you are not capable of the sacrifices I was making to be with you. You have shown me you do not deserve my son and I. You made this choice as I desperately tried to get you to talk to me, you ignored my wants, my needs and most of all – you are not sorry.
Therefore, here are a few words to a man I no longer know.
Let me start to explain what it feels like to be told you are beautiful in every way and will always be taken care of. Let me convey the emotions of seeing you again and feeling every inch of my heart be handed to you on a silver platter for you to take. Let me express the emotions I am going through right now when you have done nothing to reassure me you still want this. Let me tell you how hard it is not to call you when you are the one person I want to speak to after a hard day when you are the one person I long for when you are on my mind constantly when you are the one person I want to spend every day with. Now let me reveal how much hurt I feel when you ignore me when I have to not only drag myself through another goodbye, but I am dragging my son through too who so desperately wanted his mummy to be happy with the man she’s in love with.
I cannot formulate these emotions into words the same way I cannot describe the feeling of you changing your mind so quickly because you are ‘conflicted.’
The difference between you and I is that when I said I would be willing to do anything for you, I meant it. And, now I feel like a fool who you’ve had stringing along since the start. Was this all a test, did you want me to feel what you felt, why, I will never understand.
Am I mad at you? No way, I could and never will hate you. You have done what you felt was necessary, but for that, I will not fight for you any longer. I probably will allow a few more tears tonight in your honor, and I perhaps will shed a few more when someone reminds me of you, or something for that matter. But slowly and surely I will be set free. It is OK. I will be OK because the love I can give is strong and true and you will never know just how far I was willing to go. I will never be sorry for the person I am, and I will never be made to feel like I am not enough for you because one day you decided to wake up and ignore me because you felt like it.