It takes a lot of courage taking leaps of faith, but when you know it’s right- you do it.
I’m not sugar coating anything in my blogs – relationships are hard, anyone who said otherwise would be lying. I was in this delusional state of mind where I would start to over-think every little thing, question everything and let fear overcome my emotions. I let every single insecurity get to me, and I walked away from love because it got tough and every single day I look back and wonder what the heck was I thinking it’s not a stroll in the park and yes, it’s tough, but the results are worth it. Well, apparently not because I’m still dwelling on this man from over a year ago.
The thing is, I still love him, and I’m not going to settle for less than I deserve or less than I want.
By know, I think he realises how absurd I am because every so often I will be going well with my ‘moving on’ and then I relapse and the first person I go to is him. There are motives behind this and if this makes me crazy for following my heart then so be it.
Anyway, this man I speak of in my blogs I will call him A – originally I made this blog for him. Although, to never be seen or read. It was for me – a reflection of who I was, who I am and who I want to be. I, a single mother of a now Three-year-old fell in love with an American marine whom I met when he was on deployment in Australia. Our beautiful ‘see you soon’ was April 1st 2017 soon followed with a ‘goodbye’ May 8th 2018 – two very disheartening moments of my 20 something years.
The truth is, and it always is – it was a learning curve, and I learnt a lot about myself and the love I deserve.
We both have children and one parent to another – if you can fall in love with not only that person but the beautiful creation they made. It’s indeed a blessing and to have experienced love for me after years of a loveless relationship with my child’s father made me admire him even more.
We have spoken here and there, we’re okay, But, I broke his heart by walking away, it’s going to take patience and devotion to get to a good place again. But that is what makes our love so perfect, that after all this time. He still loves me, and that in itself is enough for me. I chased after what I wanted. I took that leap of faith and maybe, came across perhaps a bit too full on at times. But I know it’s genuine.
My heart is whole again.