I’ve sent you emails with no response, and I’m hoping you haven’t read them because I wish I could take the emails back.
I’m hopeless at this love thing.
But it’s been six months, and I need to move the hell on.
I keep telling people I’m fine – water under a bridge. But then there’s this sense that maybe I’m not. So I’ve come to the conclusion this has happened for a reason, right? I do believe in that. But hours later I’m looking at your Facebook and realise you’re already dating. Great. I’m really not okay.
You know that movie Good luck chuck? Well, I’m Chuck. I’m the girl you date before you find the girl you marry. I am not kidding you! Every one of my boyfriends is now married. If that’s not telling you something, I’m honestly not sure what to say. Anyway, here I am stalking away, I take a few screenshots and send to my girlfriends “He has already moved on, and it’s only been six months.”
“What a dick” they reply ” You can do better, she’s not even that pretty” god I think to my self, how petty have I become. And then it hits me. What the fuck am I doing?
I’m a 24-year-old single Mother, and I have never healed my broken heart right from my first heartbreak when I was just 18. It’s been six months. Yes six long, tedious months, I have every reason not to be okay. But will I ever move on? My minds going on all crazy benders, the what ifs, have I made the right choice, are you happy, the list goes on.
I guess I want you to be happy, but I wish your happiness were with me.
Anyway, I’m in this weird, uncomfortable stage where I can’t think straight, I’ve watched enough romance movies, and I’m scratching my head in my every choice in men. And I hate myself to dragging not only me now but my almost 3-year-old son through this bullshit again.
And of course he says your name, now you’re gone.
I’ve made a choice, yes a choice; more so a decision a very spontaneous what am I doing – who am I – why am I doing this – why – decision and in the midst of a cold winter night I have decided to take a trip overseas. To the US to be exact.
I know for sure you are not in California, but the feeling of being in the same country almost makes me feel at peace that doing something for myself will be good for me and maybe, just maybe I can finally let you go and let you be.
I suppose only time will tell right now because I have no plans.
“Thank you for coming into my life and giving me joy, thank you for loving me and receiving my love in return. Thank you for the memories I will cherish forever. But most of all, thank you for showing me that there will come a time when I can eventually let you go. ”